Five things you’ll need to explain to your kids once you’ve seen the Barbie movie
So you’ve finally let (or cajoled) your kids, tweens and teens to go along with you to the Barbie movie - and you LOVED it! But there’s also a giant learning opportunity and chance for some powerful conversations afterwards that you don’t want to miss.
Personally and professionally, I was so excited by how much the Barbie movie surpassed my high expectations. But, as I wrote for Women’s Agenda, the power of shaping our kids’ body image lies in the way WE talk about our own and other bodies, and the messages that we reinforce every day. Parents and families (and in particular, mothers) are the main influence on kids’ body image until they are about 9 or 10, after which peers start to have more of an influence. What we say matters, and the things we role model to our kids are so important in shaping their thoughts and ideas about bodies, weight and health, but also their ideas about gender stereotypes and gender equality.
So how can we reinforce the things that will support them developing a positive relationship with their bodies? Hint: It’s not about getting out your lecture slides, laser pointer and teacher voice (I’ve tried!). It’s about using the everyday opportunities that pop up to reinforce ideas about things like body neutrality (the idea that you don’t have to #loveyourbody, you can just be OK with it - it’s just that your appearance takes a back seat in terms of how much you let it define your worth). TV, movies and even advertisements give you a great opportunity to ask questions and add in a line or two to start encouraging young people to be critical of the messages they are delivered in the media.
And the Barbie movie is perfect for this - here are some things you might want to get prepped to explain, question and have a chat about once you’ve left the cinema.
1. Cellulite is normal
OK, so I raved about the Barbie movie, but there was ONE thing I would have changed from a body image perspective (if they’d have let me…). I’m just not sure why they made such a big deal about cellulite and flat feet. I know there was a need for visual comedy to keep the kids engaged while the whole storyline was explained, but we want to make sure our kids leave the cinema knowing that no one is going to make their friends (and a random Ken) dry-retch just because their feet are ‘flat’ or because there’s something else about them that is different to their friends.
Here’s what I’m planning on saying to my girls:
“You know how one of the reasons why Barbie left Barbieland for the real world was because she had cellulite? Well, cellulite might not be normal in Barbieland, but it’s very normal in the real world. Cellulite is just a word for the way our skin looks on the outside because of the way our bodies store fat held down by connective tissue to keep things together. Everyone has it, and there’s nothing wrong with it. It’s not anything you actually need to be worried about - it was just something they talked about in the movie.”
The aim is to describe normal body functions in neutral terms that don’t make negative associations with cellulite. What we don’t want to do is start talking about how you hate your own cellulite, or how someone you know had an expensive procedure to get rid of it. If you show that you have it, and you are fine with it, your influence will be stronger than what they’ve seen in a blockbuster movie. We’re not saying you need to be 100% positive about your body 100% of the time - just be neutral about the things that WE were told meant we were less worthy when we were kids, like cellulite. Cycle broken.
2. You can wear pink and be in charge
I don’t know about you, but when I first started to reframe my ‘bossy’ behaviour for leadership potential, the advice was very much still “do what the men do and you will succeed”. In the time of the hit book Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office and at my first leadership course for women, we were literally advised to wear pants, tie our hair back, and be firm and authoritative - just like the men - if we wanted to be in charge.
Almost two decades later, things are a bit different. We now have permission to be authentic leaders and our feminine ‘soft skills’ are finally valued. But some of us still have that niggling thought in the back of our minds: Will they take me seriously if I wear what I really want to wear, and do the things that are authentic to my leadership style?
Questions to ask your kids:
Young ones: In Barbieland, did you notice that it was all girls who were in charge, and in important jobs? Do you think it’s like that in our world?
Tweens and teens: What was your reaction when you saw the all-female Supreme Court and the female Nobel Prize winners and the female President? Do you think we will achieve gender equality in your lifetime? What can we as individuals do to contribute to that?
Chat about:
How every Barbie is authentically herself.
How you figured out who you are, and what matters to you.
The real examples you have in your life of female leaders.
3. Everyone is different
When we grew up, there was only one type of female body that we saw on screen. Now we are starting to get more and more body diversity represented - in less tokenistic ways - and we want to make sure we point this out to reinforce the point: Everyone is different, everyone looks different, and that’s what makes things great.
One of the main things that Gloria points out in the film is how impossible ‘ideals’ and ‘standards’ can be for women. Even Barbie feels this - the one who physically looks like the ‘ideal’ is worried that she isn’t special because she’s just ‘stereotypical Barbie’.
You can point out:
Did you notice how it took all of the Barbies, who are all good at different things, to make their plan work? Did you see how their team was stronger because of all of the different skills and talents that everyone had?
For older teens: Remember how Barbie felt bad about herself too? Even the people who look ‘perfect’ on social media or in real life aren’t always happy about the way they look.
4. What ‘the patriarchy’ is
One of my favourite parts of the Barbie movie was the fact that we basically saw Ken go through what many boys go through as they move through adolescence. The feeling that they need to have certain things, look a certain way and, most importantly, act a certain way if they want to be a ‘real’ man. This offers such a nice opportunity to question what this looks like in our world, and to talk about the impact of ‘Kendom’ on everyone.
My prep for a chat about this afterwards: “Ken learns about the patriarchy from the real world, and in the real world, often men are in charge - like the CEO of Mattel. In our world, men can be paid more for the same job, and sometimes men make decisions that affect women without really understanding what life is like for them. ‘The patriarchy’ means that the men are in charge of making decisions, and creating the systems and structures - and they choose and create the things that benefit them the most. This can make it hard for anyone else to succeed.”
Depending on how old your kids are, you can talk about gender stereotypes as the things that ‘the world’ or ‘society’ tells you you ‘should’ do, be or look like, based on your gender identity. You can talk about the fact that sometimes people like to put others in ‘boxes’ based on stereotypes - just like they tried to put Barbie in a box. But make sure you also talk about the fact that we will feel a lot better, and life will be easier, if we are being who we authentically are instead of trying to pretend to be something else, like Ken was when he was wearing the fur coat. Explain that ‘in our family’ we don’t believe that boys are in charge more than the girls - in our family, we believe that all people of all genders have equal rights, responsibilities and opportunities, and that’s what gender equality means.
They might roll their eyes, they might counter your arguments, but it’s still worthwhile to explain your views on things. This helps to explain the reasoning and beliefs behind the way your family operates - something they’ve been learning from observation for years - and provides a solid ground for their learning about what equality looks like, as well as what it sounds like in theory.
5. What a gynaecologist is…
OK, so I’m writing this with the intention of not spoiling anything, but you’re probably going to have to explain the ending of the movie to anyone under the age of 15. But what exactly do we tell them? Well, lots of things… but the main one is that you never have to be ashamed of your body, or your genitals.
The film’s epic director, Greta Gerwig, told USA Today: “I knew I wanted to end on a mic drop kind of joke, but I also find it very emotional. When I was a teenage girl, I remember growing up and being embarrassed about my body, and just feeling ashamed in a way that I couldn’t even describe. It felt like everything had to be hidden.”
Barbie is smiling and so happy at the end of the film because she has chosen a life that isn’t perfect. It’s messy and real and comes with feelings - of sadness, but also of joy. She’s excited to have the full human experience and all that comes with it…
Wow, there’s a lot to unpack in there - but you don’t have to do it all at once. I expect to see this movie many (many) times, especially once it comes out on streaming, so I will probably tackle it bit by bit. Some things will come up naturally when we are doing other things. I will probably have to explain ‘the patriarchy’ without my cue cards, PowerPoint slides and notes, and most likely while I’m trying to reverse parallel park in heavy rain - which is when my kids like to ask the toughest questions.
Some of these things are hard to talk about, and hard to explain, because they weren’t explained to us as kids. But we don’t have to get it perfect, we just have to try.
Have you seen the Barbie movie? What conversations have you had with your kids afterwards?
Dr Zali Yager is an internationally-recognised body image expert, author of Embrace Kids and the co-Executive Director of The Embrace Collective, alongside 2023 Australian of the Year Taryn Brumfitt.
